Farewell was an amazing day, a nice party hosted for us by our juniors. As always people never fail to surprise me - my juniors in particular - every time by getting some reason to put me on stage. This time it was the LIBA awards and I of all people won two awards. I was a little surprised because I had already made up my mind as to who gets what, especially I wanted some awards to go to some specific seniors and I was surprised to find myself on the list. So what do I win? Heart stealer and Lifetime achievement award. Hmm hmm. Well if any one else had won these I would have loved to take their cases apart. Anyways here I was, as some liked to club the awards together, they called it the Lifetime award in Stealing hearts :-P
Well initially I was shocked when I got these awards but as the evening faded, I remembered (was also reminded by a close friend) my previous blog and I realised that I had not stolen hearts but I had given my heart to everyone in some way or the other and it was this that had returned to me in this form.
Often I question myself trying to find a rationale behind what I do everyday - Why do I work so hard for something that does not concern me? Why do I spend so much time with people? Why do I take it upon myself to see that everybody is satisfied or happy? Why do I miss meals and spoil my health working on some unrelated thing? Why cant I be indifferent to the things around me? Why cant I be like so many others – my life, my work, my friends? Why cant I fall with the flow and not try to break it time and again? Is it for the fame? Name? Attention that people think I grab? What is my motivation? Where is the component of self interest in it? Seriously I care nothing about all of these!
Then what is my answer? My answer is very simple – it is my inability to not love. I cannot but put others before me. Maybe it was the way I was created, maybe it was the way I was brought up but maybe also because it was the way I choose to be. In my little memory I do not remember having given less than my whole heart to any job at hand or to any request of a friend. I have gone out of my way many a times to be useful to the people around me and in the place I have been destined to be. I do not see anything big in it because I consider it as the reason for my existence, the reason I have been placed where I am.
The world might laugh at me, it may call me names, it might think I am crazy, foolish or deranged. But when I chose to be me, I also chose to ignore what the world said/felt about me because the world outside and the conscious within are two perfectly parallel lines that never meet. I believe in that Inner Voice which guides me. I believe in answering to myself, in resting my head each evening with a light heart having made peace with myself and my neighbour - the voice of my conscious is louder to me than any other voice around me and that voice has always guided me truly.
If somebody asked me if I was in love, I would laugh at them because I have always been in love. I have never stopped loving and I guess I never can. It is love that gives me the strength to be what I am, to do what I do and to live as I live. If I stopped loving then that day this world can drum those nails into my tomb, because as long as I live I will keep loving and that is what makes my life worth living.
So did I really steal hearts? No and yes! I gave mine away first to every one around me and they in return gifted me (some would read it as stole) with so many hearts.
“The less we have, the more we give. Seems absurd but it’s the logic of love” – Mother Teresa
